“I think God designed our mouths to die first to help us slowly transition to the grave. But I am a big believer in “Intelligent Design,” and by that I mean I love IKEA!”

Result= bored baby.

Now we got a hideous Fisher Price lion thingy with music and sound effects.

Result= tortured parents. 

In conclusion, the more annoying the toy is the more entertaining it is.

Sol Lewitt, Four-Sided Pyramid

I once heard, that the difference between Design and Art is that Design answered questions and Art asked them.

I often find myself in a messy situation. I feel a bit of coolness when I state that my husband is a fine artist. This is quickly dissipated by the impossible question: ‘what kind of art does your husband make?’  To which I respond with sad attempts of calling upon art references, comparisons and half-assed quotes from Artforum. This leads to the utterly disappointing argument about contemporary art’s inaccessibility, self-referentiality and all but complete irrelevance to modern society. From now on, I’m committed to admitting I have no idea how to explain my husband’s art and it’s best you see it in person. But let me warn: you may hate it or not get it. That’s OK, I thank you for taking the time to consider what you see.

I thank you because rather than dismissing all contemporary art as a bunch of elitist nerdism bathed in post-modern philosophy––art takes time. It’s a personal journey that collapses all at the same time when you experience a piece. That experience may lead to “Eh” or “Wow” (hubby says that is the phenomenology or affect of art… blah, blah, blah insert post-modern nerdism reference here.) In other words, for that pile of bricks to be more than just a pile of bricks, it takes seeing (in-person) a lot of art. Yes, you can walk up to a piece with no background and still feel something, like you would if you were to taste wine for the first time. But the more you taste it, the more sensitive you are to vast possibilities and layers of meaning in the work, therefore the more interesting and important it becomes. So, while I cringe when people argue that contemporary art is nothing but a pile of bricks, all I can say is that if you take the time to experience it, you may discover a really amazing journey.

(You may still dislike my husband’s art.)

And as my final gesture for this blog post, I share with you some artists that marked my journey and changed my perspective about art, and sometimes, life.

Philip Guston, pink lust.

Marlene Dumas, this painter captures the entire meaning of sadness

My first trial as a bi-cultural mom was my daughter’s name. It was important to me that she had a Spanish name (Alma Lucia) since her father is American and thus her last name was going to be in English (Miner). I really didn’t want to bastardize the family name by hyphenating it because the Miners have a looooong history in the U.S., like Mayflower-days type of thing. Thomas Minor founded Stonington, CT and from there on there’s a few family books and associations that track generations right down to my baby girl. Unfortunately, we can’t go that far back on my side of the family.  All I know is that like the majority of Latinos, I come from a huge mix of people — from Venezuela, Argentina, Italy, France, Spain, indigenous Guayus, Andinos (from Venezuela) and Germans. I myself grew up ‘bi-cultural’, while I was born and raised in Venezuela, my dad is Argentine and his culture is quite different than the Venezuelan one. I always felt a little different, a little alienated in my own country, and only as an adult have I really embraced and felt lucky to have such a different upbringing.

Now as a mom I face this journey of raising my child in a foreign country that I now claim as my own. I hope she is able to feel proud of being Hispanic-American or whatever the appropriate hyphened description is. I also hope she learns to be critical and see deeper into our world beyond the headlines, as it’s not just about speaking a language, or eating yummy food like FRIED PLANTAINS!

Here’s the link to Facebook and you can follow me on Twitter @friedplantains
Fried Plantains

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So, it’s taken me a while to accept that we live in Seattle. It’s been three years since we moved here, well, two – the first year was mostly spent n I5 between Portland and here — and as obnoxious made-up New Yorkers that we are, we complain endlessly about the weather, the holes in the streets, the lack of public transportation, the fleece, and mostly about how little Seattlelites complain about Seattle, a highly suspicious behavior in our book. We spent many days discussing where would we move next. But here we are, we survived a couple of tough economic years on one salary and bought our first home; we both are doing incredibly well in our careers and we are finally blessed with a healthy, beautiful child. We see a lot more of our families and have made some really good friends that have been incredibly supportive through thick and thin. At some point I stopped reading the event section of The New Yorker and religiously started checking MyBallard.com instead. I find myself marveling at the sight of the mountains (when they are visible) and boasting about how healthy life is here.

So now when I think of moving again, I not only feel utterly unmotivated to embark on such an adventure, but I start thinking about how much  I will miss the fabulous gardens, the mountains, the clean air, the salmon and the crab, Puget Sound, the coffee and most of all, the non-complaining Seattlelites I’ve met. I think what I’m getting at is that, life here is wonderfully real.

Perhaps this is what roots actually feel like.

Happy holidays!

My conclusion is that you can read books and drive yourself crazy. The thing is that that the more books you read, the more confusing it is…they all contradict each other, or say the same things in many different ways that they ‘seem’ to be saying different things because their approach is ‘unique’. Don’t get me wrong, they contain good information, but you have to be ready to consume this information and then decide what to do for yourself and just feel OK that you trying to find out what’s right for you. Easier said than done, as I’m still plagued with doubts, but as days go by I discover the little things that work for Alma and us. I borrow a little from here a little from there. So here is my take on some of the popular baby books:

Basic info here. Good for quick reference but nothing in depth. Month-to-month format is easy to follow, especially if you read the What to Expect when you are Expecting version, which I bet you did.  Not a lot of troubleshooting help, but good when you are wondering, what the heck  is that? I.e. diverse poop situations.

Sears has this approach called, “attachment parenting,” which just sounded bad to me from the get-go.  Is the opposite then called “detachment parenting?”  As I read I felt even worse, as the authors are highly opinionated, and I immediately react poorly to being lectured by a book. Oh yeah, they also call fussy babies, “high-need babies,” because that is more ‘positive’. Honestly, it sounded like a bunch of overly-compensatory parenting to me that made me feel guilty if I was anything short of holding my child 18 hours a day.

Karp’s book explains the 5-S approach. A voodoo-like technique to calm babies: Swaddle, Sideways, Swing, Shoosh and Suck. You are basically trying to imitate the womb environment. Why? Because according to Karp, humans are born a trimester early, compared to our primate relatives, because we walk – or something like that. Sleep deprived as I was (note, was, ’cause my baby is sleeping 4-5 hour stretches at night!)  I found the explanation utterly insane, but we routinely use this method and so far it works pretty well. Many friends, my pediatrician and even the nurses that taught childcare classes are fans of this.

Gina Ford’s method is British. Wickedly rigid. I love to bash this book, from its all-white baby cloth that you must boil to the “change her nappy, feed her 25 minutes from one breast and put her back in her cot, this should not take more than an hour” – hmmm, yeah, what about burping?!  But as much I love to complain about it is a) written concisely and b) it actually gives you a schedule, and while I don’t follow it it gave me a general idea on what to do with a baby through out the day and I have to say that while we have many fussy days, for the most part it has given me somewhat of a routine that makes me feel a bit more in control.

It’s been three weeks since we welcomed her and I can’t believe how much our lives have changed and how many feelings she’s stirred up in us; everything from extreme anxiety, to sheer panic and complete elation. I also discovered how little I was prepared for this, I realize now that I spent most of the time obsessing over the pregnancy and birth experience and didn’t quite understand how to take care of a newborn. For example, many friends told us about the lack of sleep, but I didn’t get that you really DON’T sleep. My expectation was that babies sleep most of the time and therefore we would have a few nights to recover. I know… delusional.

I have reacted with compulsive reading,  ingesting a baby book per day and testing  different baby techniques, including disregarding everything I’ve been told and letting everything go.  I’m just starting to figure out what works for us, it’s all so new. I keep wondering what kind of mother I am, but whatever mom type I am, I have discovered a few things:

Accepting no sleep and lack of control requires daily meditation
I have to learn  how to nap during the day — I used to never nap!
I can accomplish ONE thing before the next feeding, so I choose: bathing, eating, sleeping or communicating, reading, TV or outing.
Baby may not need a routine, but I do
I’m discovering which friend to call, as I now see them as mom buddies
Everything takes full attention, one task at a time
I’m all up for easy things, specially her clothing. Side snaps are the best invention.
There’s only today

We’re exhausted and happier than ever and cannot ceased to be amazed by our daughter and our new identities as parents.

1. Get into a TV series that you can rent, but only if you can stream it: You need a new loooong series that keeps you on your edge of your seat and can watch many episodes in one sitting. Waiting for a regular on-air TV show that you have to wait a week for a meager episode won’t work, we’re talking about killing hours or days so short intervals are best. Now, Netflix DVDs take way too long (two days to arrive), going to the store… well who does that any more? SO bets option is to stream it and have instant gratification that can help you get through hours day or night. Mine: Battelstar Galactica. There’s like a million episodes. Yay! But warinig watching sci-fi series for extended time causes some pretty bizarre dreams.
2. Work from home with deadlines: I’m too freaked out to be in the office with my contractions, fortunately my job is flexible enough to be tended form home and every day I log in thinking it may be my last day so everything I start needs to be done THAT day. This is true miracle these days. Sure it’s hard to concentrate but time goes flying when I’m on a deadline.
3. Light Cooking: I’m surrounded by my parents and husband constantly asking me if I’m ok and if I think today is the day (yes, it’s getting annoying) so I decided to take over the easy and fast meals and leave the lengthy ones to them. It’s relaxing but I can t over do it so I keep it simple. Making sandwiches for lunch has become my latest obsession it’s easy and rewarding because I’m getting creative. I also made a tortilla and quesadillas. Again trying to add a new spin to simple meals is the trick.
4. Short walks: I’m scheduling walks with a different person, only ONE person at time. I realize a short walk is a perfect way to have 1:1 time with my husband and chat or with my dad or my mom (we are all at home now) and I’m thinking to extend this to friends. Thatw ay I can catch up and at the same time get some air. Also helps with the deadline thing knwoing I have an appointment.
5. Blog: Just decided to this today to see if it helps.

Things NOT to do: read more baby books, at this point they cause nothing but anxiety, read about birthing also causes tremendous anxiety, worry too much about timing contractions, calling family too much, trying to keep everyone updated (you will hear when it’s time I promise!), buying more crap for the baby, going over your birth plan (useless at this point), recalculating your due date, researching schools… yes I’ve tried them all and no good.

I have no desk since my home office is now the baby room, and with my parents and due day approaching I thought I should be prepared and plan to have a quiet place where I can work from home in the last few days. Plus, we don’t use our garage to park, nor we have enough storage for all the new baby crap we have and it we may as well invest a bit in some home improvement for future value. Great idea, right?

The hammering started last Friday at 7am as the electrician opened the wall to install the heater and recessed can lights in the ceiling. The noise woke me up and when I descended from our bedroom I was surrounded by a chaotic mess of boxes, books, pictures, old clothes, garden boots, coolers, suitcases and TWO cat litter boxes!!!  I forgot that we had to get everything OUT of the garage in order to build IN the garage.  So, my neatly organized nursery that was so ready for prime-time is now filled with all kinds of stuff that one forgets one has because…well, that’s what garages are for.

Instead of facing the consequences of my decision, because, I have no one to blame but myself (my husband has not uttered the word ‘no’ since we found out I was pregnant) I decided to check my email craving the chronological, well classified, order of my inbox. But, there it was, Baby Center reminding me  I’m starting my 36th week, and therefore I’m only four weeks from my due date.

Four weeks.

My parents arrive in two weeks.

Hammering. Boxes. Hammering. More boxes. Some paint and voila!

I swear I heard those stuffed animals on the shelf say, “hey lady, you are completely nuts!”

Super dad to be paints the primed walls

Finished walls look nice!